Dear Supporters of CHI’s Brand New Foster/Adoptive Parents:

Yay! Your friends or family members are a CHI certified family – & they have just welcomed a new kiddo (or six) into their lives. Here’s how you can play a vital role during this lovely yet extremely difficult time in their lives. When families open their hearts and homes to children in need of safe, nurturing care – there are almost always challenges. Rarely is it butterflies and rainbows – there are almost always times where it will be the HaRdEsT thing they’ve ever done before in their lives.

Pay special attention during the first few weeks of a new placement – as that time can be absolute chaos! The difficult work of adjusting to one another – is also impacted by an overwhelming amount of appointments, in-home social worker visits, medical/dental assessments, and maybe even court ordered visits with biological family members.

While you probably want to see the kiddo(s) with your very own eyes, it’s important that the child(ren) not be bombarded with visitors while the family is working on adjustment, bonding and attachment. So, let’s get practical with different ways you can support a family (instead of popping by to introduce yourself):

Here are meaningful ways you can support foster families:

1. Feed the family

You might consider preparing a casserole or family dinner, stock their freezer with meals, or pack a basket full of yummy snacks. Everyone’s schedule and abilities are different, so don’t feel pressure to perform like Rachel Ray – simply show up in the right moment. Even a simple coffee for a foster parent with a new placement could be just the boost they need. If you’re a terrible cook (like this author) – volunteering to complete grocery runs is another supportive option.

Consider taking your meal delivery to the next level by setting the family up with a steady stream of yummy support coming their way. This is especially important in the first couple of weeks after a new placement arrives. Sign up Genius, is just one of the many websites available to easily make this process efficient and helpful. You can easily enlist the family’s support network to help out.

3. Gather supplies

Be proactive and ask what the family needs before and after a new placement arrives. Maybe it’s diapers and a baby gate? Maybe its backpacks and school supplies? Be a hero and order those items to magically show up on their porch via Amazon. If their list is long, consider organizing an Amazon wishlist and recruit the family’s friends or church community to aid in filling it.

4. Welcome a new placement

When an infant, toddler, or teenager arrives to a new foster home, this time can be loaded with different emotions for everyone involved. Help the foster parents, as well as their own biological children, welcome the child into their home. Talk with them about how you can help with the transition. Oftentimes, kids in care arrive with very few belongings, so consider gathering clothing, personal hygiene items, toys, or school supplies. You could deliver a gift or activity that the family could enjoy together that first evening or week. You could offer gently used items that your own children have outgrown.

5. Give the gift of time

Understand that this should be a time of cocooning – the family is getting to know one another and appreciates when others respect their need for space. They should be focused on each other until a time where things are settled and they can start introducing new people to their child(ren).

Every foster family could however benefit from a few people stepping up into their primary support circle and committing to help when it’s needed most. Ways primary supporters can help are by:

• If the family has other children, regularly providing transportation to those children would be extremely helpful. Children in the foster care system often have a significant number of additional appointments, so helping get their other kiddos to school, after-school activities, and appointments can be a huge blessing.

• Rather than popping by for a visit – you could instead host the family’s former children so that they could have 1:1 time with the new arrival(s). You could also invite one child over to play and give the parent the option to choose who will go.

• It’s always encouraging to a foster parent to hear , “I would like to get background checked so I can serve you without restrictions.” Yes, you can do a whole lot without getting a background check, but you will be available in an emergency to do overnight care, regular transportation, or regular babysitting. Getting a background check doesn’t obligate you to anything, but it does allow you to be a family’s back-up in a pinch.

• Offer to do whatever the foster parent needs once a week for two hours. Basically, become Alice from the Brady Bunch. You could offer to: Fold laundry, read to a child, wash the dishes, run an errand, pick up prescriptions, make dinner, scrub a toilet, mow a lawn or sort through clothes. You could do whatever every day stuff they need at that very moment!

6. Check in and listen

This is a big one. Foster parenthood (and parenthood in general), and the busyness and complexity that comes with it, can often leave foster parents feeling isolated or overwhelmed. Regularly and proactively check in with your friends to see how they’re doing. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Pray with them. This might need to happen after hours, by text, phone or by facetime. Finally, try not to give unsolicited advice; just be with them and listen. If the family has specific questions or wonders, offer to do some Google research for them.

9. Gift them a membership or day passes

Foster families and kids in care enjoy the same activities that you do! If you’d like to give them a meaningful gift – consider a day pass to a nearby water park or activity center, a membership to the zoo or the city pool. This could be such a fun and unexpected way to brighten up life for a family — and could be a great choice for a family in your church or neighborhood you don’t know as well but want to serve.

Remember, you don’t have to do everything on this list, so choose what works best for you.

Just know that any gesture – will do!